The Valley of Death is Not So Funny.

I feel a little out of control now. A loss of control, a momentary loss of optimism, a short abrupt lapse of the thin stream of hope that is the nourishment steadily feeding our very American expression of freedom; self employment, entrepreneurship, forever students dealing with unexpected surprises, shocks, and tremors.

September started for me with a few-hundred-dollar padding that is normally not in the checking account. A few hundred bucks that I was dreaming of using on a few fancy groceries from the market: perhaps some french cheese, some tropical fruit, a new cd, a sassy haircut, and new souls for my boots. It’s gone, all but about 50 of those sweet, precious, valuable (or not, depending on the future of bill) bucks. 193 dollars went swiftly to pay J&J Towing company which crookedly and without permission removed and then locked up my dear 89 Toyota Celica, known to it’s regular occupants as “the Little Prince.” I stupidly and hastly parked in the wrong place yesterday evening in my tardiness to meet a friend for a couple of beers and dancing to some Marshall Ford Swing Band. Damn it. Damn it all to hell. One oblivious decision and the rest of my month will now be spent scrounging for quarters to buy apples and bread and yogurt and gas.

Though even the purchase of gas is tentative now: The reason for my hasty parking job was two-fold; Chronic tardiness and an overheated engine. Bad combo on a rainy day in Texas. My monthly income is completely dependent on a drive 60+ miles North West of Austin, i.e. not within walking, or biking distance.

I wear my feelings quite clear on my face. A disappointment is sure to reveal itself between the brows, in troubled eyes, in the lack of a pure smile, in hesitant responses to “how’s it going?”

I look back over the past year and wish only that I had written more. Small paragraphs containing the revelations of lessons hard-learned and joyous moments and exhausting solutions. In the past year Meg and I managed to:

Drive all around Central Texas in the heat of the summer with no AC searching with open minds and determined hearts to find the spot that beckons for some small solution to its lack of a local high-quality caffeine source; We found that spot in the charming inconspicuous neighborhood of Brushy Creek.

To convince a family, a  friend, or a fool to loan us the money needed for a truck or trailer worthy of our lattes and mochas, and pass the heath-department requirements for food service. We cleverly widdled our plan down and down and down, from a $40K venture to a measly $13.5 K loan that was borrowed from a friendly fool and used to purchase a tiny yellow trailer, leaving us with exactly 3 grand of start-up working capital.

Despite theses pennies which paid 3 months of rent and purchased equipment and fixed up the generator, we managed thus far to stay in business, and since February essentially have operated “in the black.”

After 6 months of very early mornings and an entire winter waited out in the cold cold trailer- the numbness of our toes drowned out by the drone of the generator- the weather is now turned to spring. As things surrounding us renew and abound in nature so to does our business begin to grow. The month of May has seen our daily sales increase by 30%, our regulars become ever more dedicated, the unfamiliar neighbors become less strange and more accustomed to our little place in the lot.

We survive challenge after challenge, from beating the daily boredom of waiting patiently within the walls that make up this 6 x 10 foot cafe-on-wheels, to the loss of our power source and the breakdown of our own personal vehicles.

I’m rambling. I know. It’s just that I see what we’ve overcome and what we’ve built so far with nothing put into advertising and our hearts thrown completely into our marketing, one person at a time. And then on a Monday when I’m particularly thrilled about our recent steady growth and the promising summer that sits right before us, they tell us to move.

One year down the drain.

I feel like I’ve been laid off, but with out a severance package and unable to blame it on a failing economy. Only able in fact, to blame it once again on our lack of experience, our failure to sign an agreement that may have helped prevent this.

I can’t tell anyone yet. On one hand the prospect of not driving to Round Rock everyday is a welcoming thought, but my four-day weekend which was so enticing 24-hours ago, is now just the beginning of yet another very long- and very desperate- unpaid vacation.

I know this isn’t the end, and maybe it’s the beginning of something better to which we shall enter with a bit more practice than we did last year. It’s just that I don’t feel that happy about it today.

So if you ask me “how’s it going,” today I will probably just say, “okay.”

Let me explain my emotions through poetry

Oh where art thou

My precious yahoo

I promise and vow

To always love you

So glad you’re back

To keep me sane

Now we’re on track

Don’t leave me again!

Ya, so life is good up at the trailer.  And we’re lining up a lot of festivals/events for spring.  I actually think this Internet access is going to wind up being most valuable to Lulu since she’s the one who does most of our networking.  She’s been pretty prolific even in the few days we’ve been online.

On another note, we need a logo and we have $0 to spend on it.  So these are some haphazard photoshop beginnings which I’m told look more like posters than logos.

si, si we like yellow

601 Great Oaks Drive
(Corner of Hillside & Great Oaks)
Round Rock, TX 78681

Mostly we’ve been occupied with feeding our baby company.  Whenever I tell people about how great the business is doing, they seem to think that means it’s actually making money.  Those silly people!  Like all infants, Hallowed Grounds leeches energy and resources from us, without our having any hope of benefit (beyond, of course, the love we bear it) for a very long time.  It’s funny, but the neediness of the company makes me cherish it even more, I guess because it’s mine.  The Japanese have a word for the otherwise whiny/annoying behaviors which cause authority figures to indulge and adore their dependents.  It’s called Amae, which has no real equal in English – co-dependent is close but is much more pejorative.  Anyway, this little business is Amae-ing us all over the place.

For one thing, we’ve taken a seasonal turn in direction with our product.  Since no one seems to want our hot lattes when it’s 100+ degrees out every day, we started focusing on our iced toddy.  We’re coming close to the perfect blend and we’re getting into a bunch of offices to let us  sell directly to the employees.  This is the postcard I made…

Lucy and I are of two minds about what else to do with the toddy.  We both want to bottle it, but I’d like to do it sooner rather than later, and she’s more avid to focus on these office visits.  I’d  also like to sell it by the gallon to local restaurants to put out like they would iced tea.   I guess I’m trying to drag us more into a product line instead of being so heavily service-oriented, and she’s more into selling the idea of US as the bearers of the toddy.  Unfortunately time and money limitations are such that we can’t do both!

So anyway, after all this explanation of how brutally laden our schedule is, I have to confess that I’m on vacation right now.  I’m up in New York City staying with my friends Michele and Tim and their two kids.  The kids and I don’t quite agree about how much sleep I should be getting on my holiday.  I’m sleeping on the couch so it’s pretty much open season on Meg.  Poking at me is apparently an awesome morning activity.  I did a great evade this morning and got into the top bunk in their room before they really laid into me.  I hid the ladder in bed with me.  I thought maybe they forgot about me, but about an hour later the older one shimmied up, curled up with me and played his very loud gameboy.  I tried to kick him out but he said he just wanted company.  It’s hard to get mad when they’re so cute.

I’ve had a great time so far: lunch with our closest family friend Bertelle (who reads this post btw – Hi Bertelle!!), visits to the MOMA, running in Central Park.  Tomorrow the family and I will head out to their beach club and from there I’ll go on to see my Mom in Sag Harbor, which is the bay side of the Hamptons.  It is magical out there.  The spot where she lives is nothing like the Sex and the City image of the Hamptons.  It’s not a scene at all, just water water water.

Then I’m going to end my break by going out to Los Angeles for 4 days to visit my sister.  She’s living out there for the next couple of months.  I’ll get to hang out with my nephew.  Missing him is like a constant yearning in me.  And I’ll hear my brother-in-law’s stories, which somehow manage to be both funny and touching.  And if they know what’s good for them, I’m pretty sure they’ll feed me well.  Otherwise they’ll have a VERY CRABBY VISITOR on their hands.  That is a WARNING, Zandy!!!  ha!

I’ll probably write again soon.  Unless I’m just too busy doing…nothing.  Ahhhhhh.

Last October, or was it November, I found myself alone, curious, and not really scared at an after-hours networking party thrown by one of Austin’s friendliest, most innovative dudes: His name was Matt Genovese, and I’d heard of him, read his linkedin page, and familiarized myself with his website for the local tech site Door 64.

So here I am in the dark, loud pub on Burnet and 183, very very late (as usual) and looking for my coworker who was supposed to meet me there but was running even later than myself. By the time she arrived, I had somehow managed to mush myself into a group of nerds who were actually talking about Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP), opposed to the more predictible IT programming. Then the neon-blonde boss of mine arrived, and in no time at all we were the silliest two to be seen.

Standing in the group with us was Matt G. I knew his face, introduced myself, and then proceeded to tell a few, hilarious, though inappropriate jokes that had the geeks shaking in their tech-boots with laughter. Okay, so maybe not the most professional decision I’ve ever made, but it wasn’t the worst, and guess what? Matt remembered me when I sent him a linkedin request. Awesome! This is how to network: Tell inappropriate jokes, add a friend-link on the web.

Since Hallowed Grounds became a living, breathing (non-profit) entitiy way back in the December of ‘08, I still check the Door 64 website, because there is something inherently technical about coffee… in that people drink it while working on computers. (Or perhaps I just feel smarter when I drink it.) Anyway, I contacted Matt G. about his tech fair on April 30th and he said yes, of course, they need coffee and he’d love to have us in there.

Like a true businessman he got us a generous sponsorship from BLANK so that we could offer the delectable espresso drinks at about 35% of the normal price;  nerds of every size and shape were happy with their $.75 Americanos and $2 Iced Toddys, and we had a blast.  Sponsorships, in general, are what we want to work with.

The Door 64 Tech Fair was a good gig for us: We were profitable, we met a lot of people, and our customers were very happy with the product offered. A huge thank you to Matt Genovese for supporting us and helping us get a sponsorship. Austin is neat in this way, that there are so many people innovating and starting (by accident or on purpose) their own local trends leaves Meg and I with a small oasis of people who know what we’re doing, know where we’re coming from. What a wonderful thing to reach out to them and receive nothing less than their genuine interest and support in the success and growth of our tiny coffee operation.

Here is the video on YouTube by Reel Social Media of Matt Genovese speaking about the Tech Fair.

1) We were making iced toddy for the first time and didn’t know what our yield would be.  For the coffee-curious, iced toddy is cold brewed iced coffee which bears a simpler, brighter and less acidic taste than its hot-brewed-refrigerated counterpart.  We bought way way way too much coffee and had a crazy amount left over.  Like enough to caffeinate all of Marfa.

2) same thing with the milk.  We matched it to our toddy yield and wound up with 12 gallons left over which is highly ridiculous.   Fortunately, we sold most of it (thanks for the millionth time Cuvee.  Oh, and thanks Nickie-lush too for housing the extra refrigerator that’s STILL sitting outside your apartment!).

3) We also didn’t know how much ice to buy since we have never used it before.  I mean as business owners.  As humans we have used ice plenty.

4) We didn’t really understand the thrust of the festival itself.  Basically people spend almost all they intend to spend at the gate ($45) and then mill the grounds sampling wine & food.  I mean, I doubt most people even bring more than the gate charge since there’s so much free stuff.  Every vendor is required to provide samples.  Sometimes people make a purchase, but the main advantage to the vendors is that it promotes the business and creates brand recognition/goodwill.  Which is great for product oriented businesses and large companies like Whole Foods, but we’re a service business and the odds are slim that anyone had come on purpose to look for a coffee caterer.  Really really slim.  They just took a sample of toddy, expressed their delight, and moved on.  We don’t even have a shop that we can remind them to visit.  We were marketing into the void.

Which is not to say that it was a total loss.  The wine festival itself is pretty great, lovely grounds, good vibe, neat products to try everywhere you turn.  It was a gusty day, so we were never stifling which was a big fear.  Uh, I drank a lot of wine.  And our friend Carl came out to help us/entertain us which was a trip.  Sorry Lucy called you useless, Carl;  I, for one, have always considered  you semi-useful.  You can quote me on that.

But it was a drag and a disappointment.  We had hoped to walk with a $400 profit, and instead we suffered about a $300 loss which we can ill-afford.  Most business development experts would probably say that it’s not too expensive a lesson regardless of how awful it feels.  Certainly we’re much more knowledgeable about some back-end processes, and we’ll know the kinds of questions to ask before we lock into a longer festival.  Still, it stings.  It was frustrating to prep for so long and then fail.  And even more frustrating to put all those debits through our quickbooks with such a paltry credit at the end.

Hallowed Grounds will live to see another day, though.  And the toddy will keep a-flowing through summer.

My business partner is off in Houston braiding manes for a horse show.  I’m sure you will hear about it when she gets back!   I miss her already.  Sob.

Seder Plate

when she told me she was going to a Seder, which is the Passover dinner.  Imagine my shock!  As a lonely, lonely Jew in Texas, these holidays always get me by surprise.  And that’s the worst thing because Passover is the best Jewish holiday, the one I really miss.

In most cases it rules to be the token Jew.  You get certain advantages.  Lucy and I battle sometimes about presentation and logistics for our espresso business, but when it comes to money matters she defers to me, which is funny since I’m so very broke!  And then people always assume that being Jewish means I’m smart.  It almost doesn’t matter what I do.  What??  You saw me at a drum circle rolling on the ground and talking philosophy to a cat?  Impossible, I’m a descendant of Israel!  I must have been practicing a Shakespearean monologue or something.

It wasn’t so easy back home in New York.  Even my Espiscopalian high school

See? Where's me lucky charrrms?

was 60% Jewish, and I think I remember hearing that there are more Jews in New York City than in Israel, so really I’m just like everybody else there.  And by New York standards, I’m not all that Jewish.  My Dad was, but my Mom converted from Catholicism (Judaism follows the maternal line).  I was never bat mitzvah-ed and don’t speak any Hebrew.  Plus, did you check out that picture?   I look exactly like the Irish bar-maid who ran off with your very last potato when you were in Dublin.

So, the point is that I love being this unique Hebraic character in Texas.  But sometimes there’s a cost for being exotic.  And this year, I thought the cost would be Passover, which is just so sad.  It was a big part of my upbringing.  It’s a cultural more than a religious heritage for me and a lot of other people, and it’s a great day to share with friends.  Passover is an especially participatory and welcoming holiday.  I kind of started tearing up when I was telling Lucy about it, because all the temple Seders were full.  So she asked her landlord/roommate Billy and he said we could hold it there.  It continues to amaze me, btw, that Lucy and I aren’t sick to death of each other yet.  But lo, we’re still pleased to hang out at night even after all our days together!

There were 8 or 9 people at the service, one of whom thought he’d been invited to a regular dinner and was confused by everything.  It went over pretty well considering we didn’t know what we were doing.  I forgot some stuff like explaining why it’s called Passover and how you’re supposed to set an extra glass out for “Elijah”.  We also only drank 2 glasses of wine instead of the prescribed 4, so there must have been big gaping holes, but the goyim didn’t know any better.  It was still intriguing to everyone and a very happy day.

here’s a link to the video Bill made (ps Thanks Bill, you were a great host and cook!)

Ok, I’m going to go count some money now!!  haha I make BEEEG joke.  L’chaim everyone!

So now it’s girl time with two talented chicas from my acting class.  The conversation is lively, rolling, about everything from boys to the acting business and all the joys and vagaries those things entail.  Susan’s daytime incarnation is as a lawyer for the TABC (she has some gruesome stories to tell) and Jolyn earns her money as a graphic designer.  She tells us she’s recently left her job to work full-time on her own projects which makes my entrepreneurial heart beat faster.  Obviously this is both a scary and thrilling time for her.  One of her immediate missions is as a producer for the trailer/investor-calling-card/short film her boyfriend Jay Galvan is going to direct in a few weeks.  When they get financing, they’re going to film the feature.  The name is El Coyote.

A good chunk of my childhood was spent making trouble in sound studios while my father did his voice-over work (he was one of the biggies in NY at the time); I’ve also worked as an actress for most of my adult life so I’m very familiar with the biz, but I’ve only worked behind the scenes on one other movie.  I tell her I have that experience as a script supervisor – that’s the person who keeps time codes on the takes and watches for continuity issues – and that I’d be happy to help out if she needs it.

In a phone call two weeks later I’m talking about how it’s a goal of mine to someday 1st Assistant Direct.  I’m also chatting about kismet, and how a gig for my espresso business fell through, so I’m able now to do all 3 days of the shoot.  Well, ok Jolyn goes completely CRAZY for the idea of having our espresso machine on the set.  These are 12-15 hour days and people need coffee.  Plus it elevates the whole vibe of the production.  This is a shoestring budget, they’re running largely on favors and the passion of other filmies, but she is going to find a way to make this work!  I tell Lucy that since I’ll be working the set there’s no way I could do any more than load the equipment in and out, and she’s totally down to work it alone.  So all is go for Hallowed Grounds’ first movie set.

The other great phone call came a few hours later when Jay let me know that I was going to 1st AD.  To me that’s the coolest role you can have on the production end aside from the technically skilled jobs like Sound Mixer, Director of Photography (DP), or Lighting.  Basically, you keep the whole production to schedule which is no easy thing since directors always want to cover everything from here to the moon!  You wrangle the actors and make sure everyone else is in place for the shot, just fyi if you can’t find anyone they’re usually wherever the m&m’s are.  You also yell out when the picture is up etc. so that everyone will be quiet, and ask for the camera and sound to roll.  In essence, it requires you to be bossy and loud, two of my favorite things!

We shot this weekend and it was spectacular.  El Coyote is going to be beautiful (for anyone interested in technical stuff, we shot on a RED camera, which you can read about here).  There wasn’t one person on that whole production who was anything less than vital, and the flow, especially on the final day, was so organic and powerful that it almost felt like the movie was an inevitability.  The last couple of days since we wrapped have been so touching with all the emails of appreciation back and forth.  It’s just like a love fest.

Oh, and it goes without saying that Hallowed Grounds was a big hit.  Well we should be, we kept them awake!  The line producer has already passed our name along, and several others are going to do the same including the fx guy Steve Krieger who promises to “pimp us out all over Dallas.”  That does mean what I hope it means, right?  I am NOT looking for that kind of career change.

More pictures pending and of course news on the movie to follow.

The clock, glowing from the south east corner of the monitor, just showed 1:47 a.m. My seat is a faded greed velvet couch, acquired from my grandparent’s attic in Muskogee, the computer hums on the ground, key board is on my lap, i can barely see the words I type. Such late hour, alone, I write this now, I have been painting the apartment since eight, or so. Drank almost an entire bottle of $6 white wine from the gas station two blocks away (right next to the new P.Terry’s I might joyfully add!), also where I bought my first pack of American Spirit blues in a while. They do not give me the blues, they make me happy, keep me company on a night spent with only the stereo, Rekka the cuddle cat, and a great task of painting the entire living space upstairs. It must be done, it was too dingy for me to call home, thus I paint, and paint, and paint. At the moment, for the second time, it’s a little Merle Haggard chiming through the modest stereo, it makes me want to dance and sing, and drink a bit more of that wine. I have friends coming to stay tomorrow, for less than a week, this was my motivation to paint, the color green was my inspiration.

So the house, as previously mentioned, was built in the 1920’s. My hands have some calluses built up from all the painting, or perhaps from working with the horses, perhaps both. The land lord, who happens to be a friendly man with a passion for dancing the Austin night away, lives downstairs, we share the kitchen. He made a peculiar comment recently while a stranger was over for coffee. He said that he prefers the house in it’s utter messy state of current existence because it’s more fun to walk through and imagine what it could be, rather than brood over what it is. This could be further interpreted that if the house were perfected, brought to it’s full potential, then there would be no fun left to have, because there would be nothing more to imagine for the house.

Now, my instinct tells me that I am more of a “doer” than this man, I have done more with my upstairs portion of the house than he with his downstairs, perhaps ever. But some of that is true, for what will I do once it is all painted? I will have no more reason to spend such productive and satisfying hours alone, with the cats, and music that I love.

Does this translate into business, will I get all my satisfaction from starting the first one and wish to pursue others, will it become mundane, and then the next step will be something else, something new, something with potential?

But though I wouldn’t enter, I could certainly look at that beautiful pool.  The water is a clear and rich aquamarine.  It rounds out from the beach toward the cave where the overhang creates a tentative little water fall (actually the pictures I’ve been seeing show that the waterfall can get pretty bold but it wasn’t that day).  You can climb a set of rickety stairs to get up against the cave walls and see all the cool, mossy plant life that grows there.  Jordan kept saying it looked like Fraggles lived there.  And then right near the waterfall is this enormous stalactite.

this picture shows the stalactite, but it doesn't do as much justice to the allure of the water

Stalactites completely blow my mind.  They are just so ancient, so Zen.  The time it takes to make just a little pencil dripping is awesome; the time it takes to make a beast like the one pictured is beyond what I can really grasp.  The inexorability of them humbles me, but in a way that makes me proud to be part of this earth.  And while I used to be almost scared, resentful of anything so vast in scope (an ever-expanding universe! where does it go?  chaos!), I’m now thrilled by the idea that I’m lucky enough to be a part of all that enormity.

And of course now I’m seeing everything through the lens of being a business owner, and that stalactite is a lesson in patience.  Each drop of water does its part to build the giant, just as every day that I can get up and send proposals, serve at an open house, or write a little something on this blog adds to what our company will look like as time draws on.  And also it’s a reminder that nothing is ever finished.

From Sunday, March 22nd. The last day of the beloved spectacle SXSW:

South by Southwest winds down today; fewer bands stuffed into tiny door jams, no more parties sprawled beneath white tents that temporarily fill out the city’s concrete landscape. The morning started with an overcast sky, I drove south through the city, windows rolled down, a firm breeze pushing tepid breaths onto my skin. I fly by the parks, steer this old car along the curves of Lamar, smell the blossoms of the trees lining the street, notice briefly the players with frisbees, await the sounds of punk rock or blues or country (or all three), cross my heart and smile and laugh, thank my good senses for moving to this half-city, Austin, Texas.

***Gretchen, our darling Gs3***

At noon, Meg and Nicholas and myself arrive via two cars (my old one and Nick’s German one) at the new Design Center of Austin in Penn Field on South Congress. We are here for an open house, generously invited by Michelle and Nancy of Allison’s Events.We have only two pounds of coffee beans, acutely due to our realization that this is probably all that is necessary and our most recent and exciting discovery of a checking account balance hovering below $100.

This is not new or shocking- actually quite normal for the new small biz started with no capital- but it is a justified reason for our decision to bring 2 lbs of coffee to any open house or event we’re doing as promo: Our coffee is special, because we love Cuvee and they are the best, but also because it is only good for espresso for a few days. Perfectly fine for drip coffee for months if the bag hasn’t been opened, but not so good for that perfected shot of the good stuff unless it is very recently roasted coffee.

Anyway, the whole event turned into quite a party: Meg and I insisted that everyone drink as much caramel cinnamon cappuccino as possible, the Marshall Ford Swing Band got some of us dancing the swing, Charles and Kate of Get the Picture Photography got Meg and I posing in the pool (our hair looks nuts…oh well, we’re nuts), Austin Catering made sure we ate lots of cheese, and Blue Note Bakery had me drunk on their Chocolate Bourbon Bon Bons. Yum!

Very fun party at a unique colorful venue right in the heart of south Austin. I wore a great blue geometric print dress that I found in a thrift store in Missoula Montana, years ago, that is made wholly of polyester, so I was sweating like crazy which didn’t stop me for a second from having a wonderful time.  It was a great way to end a long weekend and wind down from the incessant week-long party that is SXSW music, film, and people.

My Monday morning, unlike those of so many other people, is not some dreadful stuffy warren of infinite despair,  rather a self-fulfilling few hours of tactile focus and conspicuous accomplishment; starting off on the back of a horse- a gorgeous, young, mouthy, well-bred warmblood mare we call Rappy, or “the star”. She is an angel, untrained and out-of-shape, but an absolute angel to ride: bucks constantly, yet preferable to the gaits of so many other horses. Anyway, this is how my week begins, a few horses get taught a lesson or two from me, and at the end of the morning my drive home is accompanied by my satisfaction and a few checks that add up to about 200 dollars. These are the only checks that will be deposited into my checking account this week.

I feel very human today. Most days around now actually, though there are the creepy ones where all I can do is think about a gross lack of money. Meg and I have no money to speak of, nothing coming in the mail from family, no checks for gigs or deposits, no tax returns, nada. It’s just us, some expensive equipment, and wit. The horizon of all of this is not even visible, it’s as if we’re trudging along through a thick forest or fog, we cannot see more than a foot or two in front of our faces, we do not see the ground before we take a step, we do not see the end of the situation in which we exist, we are just here: Fully, wholly, completely immersed without a clue of what to expect, and it’s beautiful. I know the horizon exists, I know there will be some end to whatever this is at some point, but it does not occur to me when, where, and how it might be, because it does not matter. It’s a wonderfully strange and exciting feeling, having no clue what happens next week, or next month, or next year, or when the break comes and what form it will be in. The only thing I really think about is a few tasks at a time, immediate things to do that may or may not pay off.

Every day, every effort is being fueled by some strange and utter faith I have in myself, I guess, to try different things– like calling event planners and venues and companies who know nothing about us, and see if they are willing to sit down with Meg and myself for a half hour, drink some coffee, and basically listen to our story. We have no idea how this will help us, or them, but it’s the only thing we know to do. So every task begins because I decide it must, for whatever random reason I chose to justify my action, and then it goes in some way that cannot be predicted, and we kind of just roll along, feeding off the love and excitement and support we see in the eyes of strangers, people who have just met us but for some reason believe in us and want us to succeed, are willing to work with us and promote our little espresso gig.

Occasionally panic strikes, the reality of my dire monetary constraints consumes my attention and the most desperate feelings rise within me, sometimes I don’t sleep. The most common question seems to be how I will pay my rent next month, this month, last month? And then again, if I am able to objectively witness it all, it’s clear that it still doesn’t matter- I can move out, I can stay with friends, I can split a smaller rent with someone else. Moving isn’t scary, or even burdensome, it’s just a bit more unanticipated work. I don’t think this will happen, I drive to Kingsland Texas every Monday to ride the horses- they pay my rent- but the thoughts are still present and the questions asked and the reality is that there is no money and it’s strange and beautiful, fun, scary, and a bit crazy but way less crazy than sitting in an office waiting for a predictable paycheck while not having any fun.

We’re definitely having fun. I’m having fun, the most fun, and still I wonder, what if my car breaks down? It is 20 years old…

Here are some comments from the espresso enthusiasts at PayPal;

Wonderful Hallowed Grounds experience…our employees loved the great coffee drinks and espresso, Lucy and Meg were friendly and fun, set-up and clean-up was prompt and efficient.  We’ll definitely be using the service again.

Having Hallowed Grounds in to serve our employees was a great morale booster.  Lucy and Meg were outgoing, personable, and happy to discuss ‘all things coffee’ with our team.   The Meritage Espresso Blend was a hit with our bean connoisseurs, who discussed the merits of local production with Lucy and Meg extensively.  We’ll definitely have Hallowed Grounds back.

Well, everyone loved our coffee drinks, but perhaps our biggest customer was my lovely partner Lucy who downed every spare shot of espresso.  Her eyes are enormous to start out with (see picture of eyeball bounty on a regular day), but they were flying saucers by 5:00.

gigantic windows to the soul

It was all to the good, because she was inspired to talk to EVERYONE there.  And that’s a lot of people.  I think I saw her tackle the chef from Vineyard at Florence as he was serving up smoked chicken quesedillas.

So, our first expo went off beautifully.  We got a ton of help from our new friend Beverly Lee at Austin Wedding Pros.  She’s an expert at these events, having done them for years, and put together a list of items we’d need.  Whatever we didn’t have (which was quite a bit) she loaned us.  Our booth looked really distinguished.  We’re doing another expo at her showroom this weekend, so if you want some latte, come by.

Before I sign off, I want to thank Lucy’s and my great friends Nick Fischer & Gabe Hovedey.  Gabe ran all over town printing our marketing materials and Nick dedicated his entire weekend (and the use of his car) to help us out; he acted as our chauffeur, barback, photographer and salesman.  Thanks and we love you!!!

December 2007, I met Niyanta at a luncheon for Chicas Verdes, a local group that meets to talk, laugh, and share upcoming opportunties to be green in Austin. She had just started a non-profit, literally, and I offered to help before she was taking off to Peru and Ecuador for 6 months. The Partnership is now over a year established and growing rapidly as it pursues it’s first project:

Rainforest Partnership is a new Austin-based nonprofit. We link Latin American communities that live in and around rainforests with communities in the U.S. Deforestation contributes over 20% of annual greenhouse gas emissions worldwide. By supporting alternative, sustainable income sources, we make it more valuable for our partner communities to keep their forests standing.

Rainforest Partnership’s first project is in the community of Chipaota in the Peruvian Amazon. It reduces deforestation by allowing our partner community to sustainably harvest its principal cash crop, the fiber of the piassaba palm, ensuring a sustainable income base for local families while protecting their forest.

Anyway, a party is being held this Wednesday night at the Belmont on 6th, from 5:30 to 8:30, to help raise money for this first project. There will be live music (of course!), food, and drinks. Suggested donation is $20-40. Here is the link for the official invite, and if you’re in Austin and want to come support a brand new environmental non-profit, then please join the fun tomorrow!  http://www.rainforestpartnership.org/belmontevent/

It’s unspeakably painful for me to give away anything at all.  My closet is rife with clothes someone 15 lbs lighter than me would struggle to get into.  Every time I move apartments, I have to tote around my collection of bicentenial quarters (which p.s. are worth exactly as much as regular quarters).  You see where I’m going with this, yes?  Good, let’s move on.

Lucy had to cajole, force and torture me into doing promotional gigs and open houses.  But it really was the groundwork for everything we have going now.  It’s given us both exposure and goodwill.

Gavin Wilson, who has a bookkeeping/consulting company, calls this work sweat equity (but it also involves real equity since product costs) and he considers it one of the most invaluable investments for a start-up.  It’s so tough, because when you’re in the initial phases like we are, time and money are at their very tightest.  But I’ve seen the light now, and I would most pressingly urge you if you’re starting a new venture to make this kind of investment for the health of your budding baby company.

THE NAME:

Okay, let me first point out that it took a very long time to decide on a business name; buying Gretchen and picking a name were the two toughest decisions for us, getting started. Originally, while we were still planning on the drive-through cafe, names like “Texas Mudd Espresso,” “The Seizure House,” and ” M.E.Lu’s,” seemed cute, catchy, and relevent to Texas, Austin, and coffee. We actually did decide on M.E.Lu’s but then decided to change our business model to a catering focus rather than a drive-through focus. The name M.E.Lu’s, though sweet and personal, did not hold the weight we wanted for the mobile cafe, with our target clientele being mostly at corporate events and weddings.

Meg was at the San Jose Hotel some time early October, having drinks by the pool with a group of friends, and somehow came up with Hallowed Grounds. She texted it too me- I was driving home from a friend’s house on the North side of Autin- and though I had no idea why my phone was receiving a random text from Meg at midnight that only read “hallowed grounds,” I do recall immediately liking the look and feel of it. So I called her, she explained, and we agreed then and there, via cell phone, she in south Austin and me in up north, to call our fledgling pre-startup idea baby… Hallowed Grounds.

Of course the pun of “grounds” was the most immediate and relevant reason to use this name, but then other oddities, or coincidences, have revealed themselves on occasion ever since. We’ll add to this list over time:
1. The Violent femmes put out an album in 1984 called Hallowed Ground. Track list is

2. Dawn of the Dead: Apparently Starbucks did not want to be featured in the 2004 version, so a fictional shop called Hallowed Grounds was used instead.

WHY THE RAVEN? WHY THE RAVEN? WHY THE RAVEN? WHY THE RAVEN? WHY THE RAVEN? WHY THE RAVEN? WHY THE RAVEN? WHY THE RAVEN? WHY THE RAVEN?

Why a raven? We think this is obvious. I sent an email to several people asking their opinion on the logo that is about to be finalized, here is what my father wrote in return:

Dear Emily. I saw your logo. It looks like Edgar Allen Poe goes Big in Japan. I do not see what that has to do with coffee. Maybe I’m a little slow. Old crow is already taken. Is everyone raven about your service? I hope your business is starting to roll… speaking of rolls, it’s lunch time. Love Pops

He loves puns, I would have thought he’d catch on better, but as clearly stated above, maybe he is a little slow. I responded that ravens are black and coffee is black. Also, ravens are smart, and the people who drink our coffee must be smart too. I think this is all pretty self explanatory. Well, in case it’s not, I’m also going to keep a list here of other things for which the raven is know or believed to be responsible or, at some point in history. Some maybe relevant to our venture, others may not. In any case, you might just learn a thing or two about the raven.

• A group of ravens are called murders (says wikipedia)
• A large, black bird of the crow family which is thought to be highly intelligent, possessing self awareness in mirror tests and tool making abilities. Common in the Northern hemisphere and found throughout folklore, mythology, art and literature.
• Biblical appearance includes bringing meat and bread to Elijah while he lives in the Kerith Valley. [Catering?]
• The Raven Cafe in Missoula Montana, now closed. Why the raven?

Umm, a lot more on this…..

family crow

Joe Parsons is one of the two main guys (along w/ John Erler) who comprises Master Pancake.  Joe is the very first friend I made in Austin.  He introduced me to karoake and also brought me to Kung Fu class, which is where I met Lucy (and through her some of my other close friends Jordan, Tuesday & Gabe) which is how I wound up with this business, which is how I found the whole Cuvee Coffee world.  What I’m trying to say is that Joe is the CENTER OF MY ENTIRE UNIVERSE!  Just kidding, but my life in Austin is largely based on accidents that he set in motion.

So naturally it’s quite a treat to see him, John and another good friend Ben Bartley attack the Matrix, a movie that I love so powerfully and so guiltily I have to watch it with a defibrilator in one hand and rosary beads in the other.  It’s a teensy bit painful to hear them imply that Keanu Reaves

Keanu says "whoaa"

is stupid (happens about every 10 seconds) but I can live with that.  And even these expert, brilliant, dare I say intellectually athletic satirist were silent during the awesome fight scenes – yeah, take that!  The truth is (and this is a BIG secret, so don’t tell anyone) the Master Pancake guys only ever do movies they cherish.  They’re complete Hollywood patsies, and the whole show is like a love letter to the world of film.

The best part of the night for us was a little one-time homage to me and Lucy where one said that a bomb case looked like “a mobile espresso machine”, and the other responded “travelling espresso – why that’s just crazy!”  Thanks guys, and sorry if we were the only ones in the theater laughing.

I suppose that is why it’s all so confusing, starting a business, or life in general. And that’s also why it’s good to have a partner: We all bring something to the table, the business plan (or lack there of). Maybe there are a few people who can do it by themselves, but maybe in most  cases it’s better to have a few people that can each contribute something of value to a company that is only beginning to achieve value in its own right.

I read three chapters of a book recently. Not sure how many chapters the book has total, but it’s more than three and it’s such a heady book that I could barely get through those. Actually, I perused two chapters and then lightly, barely, hardly, skimmed a third. It’s a book about the human fabric. In fact, it’s called The Human Fabric, written by a local author who was interested enough in our venture, or maybe was just kind enough in general, to gift us a copy, signed with “good luck.” Establishing a framework for human behavior, the author theorizes that there are three types of people (though many personalities), the Maven, the Relator, and the Evangelist. Mavens seek knowledge, Relators seek human connection, and Evangelists are out to spread the word about whatever captures their attention at any given moment.

Some combination of these different “fabrics” can lead to success, or failure of course. But I guess in the end it’s good to know who you are, and what you are good at, and most importantly what you are not good at. Then you can seek someone else to fill in that lack of…whatever is needed…and hopefully combine forces to make a successful team. Success being many things: money, ideas, friends, etc…

What am I?
I know what I am, but that doesn’t matter. What really matters is that Meg and I integrate our strengths and weaknesses, recognizing each as we discover them, and play upon what we can to make a strong companionship and partnership, both as friends and as business partners. To  capitalize on our time, our network, our history and our hopes, and to work it all out through compromise and enjoyment and dedication, will make us successful.

Geez, this was a random and unenlightening blog. I’m sorry that there is not much to learn here, but some writing had to be done. I’ll finish tomorrow. I’m moving tomorrow, and painting and cleaning, and finding a lot of things that I have forgotten. I hope they are neat!

The other organizational problem we’re facing is that we don’t have quickbooks yet so receipts aren’t being treated with the reverence they’re owed.  Yesterday, I was rolling with the windows down in Goldie Honda, my gorgeous little ‘87 Accura, and practically got blinded by a flock of gas receipts.

this is kind of what Goldie looks like, but gold...awwww!

A couple of things we’re doing right (GOOD ADVICE FOR ANYONE LACKING INDUSTRY-SPECIFIC SOFTWARE):

* we switched over to Google Documents through gmail for all word, excel & powerpoint sheets.  This means they’re not saved in a hundred places, and they’re also accessible wherever you get online.

* our proposals do triple duty as a bid for business, an invoice, and a contract.

* we’re putting a checklist inside our toolbox for everything we’ll need when we service an event.

A big thank you to Angela at The Blue Note Bakery for showing us what organization truly looks like.  And boy are her cakes gorgeous!

Oh by the way, this little start-up’s financial expert (me!) went all the way through the check out line at HEB yesterday before realizing she’d forgotten her wallet.  Whatever, we were all in an Obama haze that day.

Meg had to work the morning shift and we have a proposal to submit (one of our first) today so I came in to work on it while she is on shift. Meg is in charge of finances, I just sit back and smile while she does all the dirty work. She often asks my opinion, and while yes of course I have one, I know it doesn’t mean anything in the context of money– it’s one of the few subjects I would never encourage someone to agree with me  [or listen to me, or even look at me] if I’m sharing my opinion on it.

It’s very interesting, and challenging, trying to solve the issue of pricing. We know that pricing is one of the key, one of the most important, elements of marketing. The success of the biz, the amount of product/service we sell, is utterly dependent on the quality and value we portray through they way we price. If it’s too expensive people won’t buy it, and if it’s too inexpensive then people will not think it’s high quality.

Also, whatever prices we decide on will determine who we market too. People spend such a range of money on weddings and events, that we will have to choose a range or a type of client to target. It’s interesting the way people work, the way they respond to a type of display or a price range. We are not avaricious but we want to make a living. We also want to enjoy running this company and forming relationships with our clients and connections. The money is important yet secondary; our livelihood depends on it but it’s not what will make us happy.

Sitting warm working at Flips is a nice way to start to the weekend, a weekend full of projects, people, and parties. Work, fun, friends, blogging and talking and watching movies. I hope you all have a wonderful weekend in this very special city, we are so lucky to live in a place that fosters such a healthy attitude toward life and love and a culture centered around creativity and entrepreneurship.

Happy Friday! Go see some live music and grab a coffee at Cafe Medici!

Seabiscuit leads War Admiral 1938

Just went to a networking event where they had a very animated speaker get up and share his theory on what will cause success. Commitment and Discipline are the two key elements that he claims will lead to completing your goal, whether it’s taking up the habit of smoking cigarettes or running a successful business or getting rid of credit card debt.

I really despise networking events that don’t include a significant chunk of time that is actually for networking, and this one certainly did not leave any time for us to mingle. I had to quickly hand out business cards and promise to follow up with the few people who received our cards on my way out.

Anyway, just thought it was worth mentioning: so if that first drag tastes a bit nasty and you start coughing, just stick with it…things will get easier and before you know it, you’ll be a chain smokin’ maniac.

For a great story of persistence and belief in the unthinkable, read Laura Hildebrand’s exciting biography about the unglamorous Seabiscuit and the three misfits who believed in him, and never gave up on each other.

I’m invited to a friend’s birthday party in Egypt this November. One good thing about the economy is that ticket prices are going down down down. It looks like I may be able to make it!

I like traveling, but evn more than that, I like moving. I was an actress forever so I was always shackled to NY or Los Angeles. They’re great, you know, but I got really sick of them. So I just decided one day to chuck it all and find a new spot. Somebody mentioned Austin to me as a cool place; I came down for 5 days; I liked it, and now here I am.

One of the great things about this place is that there’s so much geographical, cultural and artistic diversity that I feel like I’m in 8 cities at once. Every day, someone is bound to say something that surprises me, something totally new.

I’m happy here because in Austin your feet never really hit the ground. Who knows what the future holds? Probably I’ll move again. I have some notion of living in Spain. They all look like Antonio Banderas there, right?